In nearly any story, fiction or nonfiction. romance to horror, you will read dialog and action. Let’s focus today on an underrated master of both and how you can use his skills yourself.
Jonathan Stroud
In writing, there is a saying that a scene should have more than one goal. It shouldn’t just be someone going to the store and picking up milk. It should include another plot point to make it stronger. Jonathan Stroud does this inside his dialog, action, and description.
Revealing Action Through Dialog
In The Outlaws Scarlett and Browne, he reveals a character’s reaction mid-dialog:
“...We hit the barrier, went over the edge. The rest you know. Why are you smiling in that horrid way?”
This keeps the reader in the present moment. We get the character’s reaction to the information as well as keeping the pace of the speaker’s speech uninterrupted. Here is another example from Lockwood and Co: the Screaming Staircase.
“Lucy,” Lockwood said. “Stop. You need to talk to me.”
“No. No, I really don’t.”
“Stop going so fast. I understand why you’re angry, but you’ve got to realize--I didn’t know Barnes was going to ask you to do that.”
Here we enter a scene in motion. We can feel Lucy’s agitation and almost see her storming off through the dialog describing the action. Lockwood is trying to keep up with her.
How do you use this in your own writing? Think of information you can reveal through your dialog indirectly. Avoid doing things like: “I see you reaching for the gun on the table.” and think of things more like, “Eat your sandwich, there’s a good boy. It looks like you need it--you’re quite pale. It won’t be long before your master calls you, I’m sure.” (the Bartimaeus Trilogy: The Amulet of Samarkand)
Revealing Tone Through Dialog and Action
Another important bit of information you can convey through dialog is in the description of the person talking. How does Jonathon Stroud avoid cliches? He is very specifically detailed.
“NO? The bristling eyebrows shot up in mock surprise. Mesmerized, the boy watched them disappear under the hanging white thatch of hair. There, almost coyly, they remained just out of sight for a moment, before suddenly descending with a terrible finality and weight. “No. Well then . . .” The magician bent forward in his chair. “I shall tell you.” (the Bartimaeus Trilogy: The Amulet of Samarkand)
In this paragraph, all we see in detail relate to the magician’s eyebrows. They are almost more important than what is being said. This doesn’t mean you need an entire, long paragraph of description to convey emotions. In The Outlaws Scarlett and Browne, Jonathan Stroud does it in two sentences.
He rearranged himself indignantly. “What did you hit me for?”
See how we can almost hear the emotion in the dialog because of the connected actions? Here’s an example from Lockwood and Co: the Screaming Staircase.
“Lockwood ignited his smile; its warmth lit up the evening. “That’s the idea, Mrs. Hope. That’s the way it has to be.”
“Actually, I’m not Mrs. Hope.” Her own wan smile, summoned in involuntary response to Lockwood’s, flickered across her face and vanished, leaving anxiety behind. “I’m her daughter, Suzie Martin. I’m afraid Mother isn’t coming.”
Stroud never says that Lockwood’s voice is bright and chipper, but we can still intuit that through the description. We can feel the impact of his character’s smile on Suzie before it fades back to nervousness.
How can you use this? Remember specific details. All of these examples contain very specific details revealed through the dialog or action. We can feel the pace of someone walking through how they talk. We can see their expressions. We can even focus on eyebrows.
Nonfiction
I mentioned above that you can use this in writing both fiction and nonfiction. Jonathan Stroud is a master of this technique in fiction. What about nonfiction?
In Smoke Gets in Your Eyes & Other Lessons From the Crematory, a memoir written by mortician Caitlin Doughty, we can see other examples of this.
“I guess we don’t have a choice, do we?” she replied, her rings clanking together as she signed her name at the bottom of the contract.
These details can help the reader immerse themselves more deeply into the story, no matter the kind. See if you can write something today that uses at least one specific detail revealed through dialog. Whether that be through the words said or through the specific description or dialog tag.
And remember, it also lets you write things like this.
“At least it was a serene end,” I said.
“You think so? She screamed and flapped her arms all the way down.”
There was a short silence. Wind ruffled the cold waters of the lake. George cleared his throat. “Well . . . it’s a nice rose garden.”
“Yes. . . Built where she landed.”
“A pleasant lake--”
“Where old Sir John Carey perished. Took off for a swim one night. They say he swam to the middle, then dropped like a stone, weighed down by guilty memories.”
(Lockwood and Co: the Screaming Staircase)